The Challenges in Curbing Porn Addiction

Before the internet was ubiquitous in every aspect of our lives, porn addiction was for the creepy lifelong bachelor or the lonely guy with mommy issues. However, now that we depend on the World Wide Web for much of our information and entertainment, the condition is seeping into parts of the population previously unaffected. Seemingly normal men from all walks of life, including actor David Duchovny and an Australian preacher who faked having cancer to cover up a 16-year porn addiction, are claiming that pornography has taken over their lives.

Identifying an addict
While porn addiction is not yet listed in the DSM-IV as an official mental disorder like drug or gambling addictions, therapists are starting to take the condition seriously. The criteria for determining whether or not a patient is addicted to porn are much the same as the ones used to identify other addictions, revolving mainly around the dependence on pornography at the expense of other aspects of life. If viewing, reading, watching or thinking about pornography is interfering with your work, your relationship, your family life or your social interactions, it is a problem. Some porn addicts cannot perform sexually without the stimulation of pornography. Porn addiction may be a part of a more extensive sex addiction.

Availability and early starts
It is now easier to get your hands on porn than ever before. A man doesn’t even have to work up the nerve to walk into an adult video store anymore, but can instead in the privacy of his own home simply download to his heart’s content a dizzying array of pornographic content. The internet is definitely the main culprit behind the explosion of porn addiction. A study published in the journal Pediatrics stated that 42% of internet users aged 10 to 17 have been exposed to pornography. By the time these children reach adulthood, pornography can be a pervasive part of their lives and, for some, this can lead to serious problems, such as porn addiction.

Tolerance build-up
Like an alcoholic needs increasingly larger amounts of alcohol as his tolerance builds up, so will a porn addict need more extreme, unusual or deviant forms of pornography as his addiction develops. Some experts believe that viewing this material can lead to enacting unhealthy fantasies in real life. It is possible that deviant sexual behavior could be inspired by pornographic content. However, in the majority of cases, porn addiction remains an intensely private condition that does not extend to sexual interaction with others. It will, however, likely interfere with healthy sexual experiences of any kind.

The group dynamic
Support groups and 12-step programs for recovering pornography addicts are popping up all over the internet. As illogical as it might seem to turn to the net for help with a problem that most likely started there, many addicts have found comfort and healing through sharing their stories and talking to others with the same condition.

Not unsurprisingly, the majority of groups created to help porn addicts in recovery are religious in nature. Most organized religions take a general disapproving stance on any sexual activity not related to making babies between two married, consenting adults, so it’s not hard to see why the church would have an interest in healing those addicted to pornography. For a religious person, this approach may work, but for someone who is confused and struggling with his sexuality, the guilt piled on by religious support groups may not be helpful at all when dealing with porn addiction.

Therapy
The best way to deal with any kind of addiction is to seek the help of a qualified therapist. Neither sex addiction nor porn addiction is considered an official mental disorder, but they are compulsions that can have serious effects on one’s sexuality and can be detrimental to social functioning. Any decent therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist will recognize this and be able to provide you with tools to reduce your dependency on pornography.

Filtering temptation
There is a variety of software available that can filter out certain content from the internet before it gets to your computer. These filters are usually used to prevent explicit content, including pornography, from reaching the innocent eyes of children, but they can have applications for the porn addict too. Of course, it’s easy to disable your own filters, but simply having them in place may provide enough of a deterrent when you’re craving a porn fix. There is also keylogger software that will track every move you make on the internet and even accountability software that will not only track your internet activity, but will also send a weekly report to your “accountability partner” to keep them up to speed on the sites you’re visiting.

put away the porn
For most of us, viewing pornography is an occasional guilty pleasure. But for those who are driven to use porn constantly, it can represent a genuine mental, emotional and physical trap. With a combination of therapy, internet filters, affirmations, accountability, and research, it can be overcome.

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China's Sexual Revolution Awakens Its Sleeping Libido

Vanessa Richmond
The tanks are parked. Kids are kissing in Tiananmen Square. And if a new documentary is right, it's the kissing that's leading to more personal liberty than any form of rebellion since the Cultural Revolution began.

According to China's Sexual Revolution, by Miro Cernetig and Josh Freed, Chairman Mao married sexuality with capitalism (as forms of corruption and decadence). But now Chinese youth are embracing both with a passion. At warp speed, in fact. There are probably people necking in front of his statue right now, and that's just for starters.

Here's what happened. Sixty years ago, Mao turned "couples into comrades and not lovers, and cloaked men and women in the same unisexual suits," according to the film's narrator. Makeup was forbidden, and hairstyles were dictated by the government (they were not what you would call flattering). Men and women were supposed to feel only like brothers and sisters, and were supposed to regard sex merely as reproductive labour. Instead, they were supposed to get on with more important work. Um, like making cheap plastic sex toys for the rest of the world (70 per cent of which now come from China).

Why? The communist party regarded sex as an outdated feudal custom. And as Dr. Pan Sue Ming, a scholar featured in the doc says, they considered it dangerous since the Revolution needed "a man to want to fight against someone, but sex makes you love and happy." The party even chose people's spouses. And there were propaganda films portraying people who believed in "romance" as foolish, and a source of shame to their families.

Virgin lust

The film reports that secretly, Mao's own sex life was "worthy of an emperor." He, in fact, had a lust for virgins, whom he believed kept him young. "And his sexual excesses are now legend." But he didn't want his comrades comingling.

As a result there are many Chinese people with as much sexual knowledge as I have of the Mandarin language (I know two words). In fact, a recent survey found that 20 per cent of Chinese men didn't know what the clitoris is and 50 per cent of Chinese women had never had an orgasm. Sounds super.

One male student from Beijing recently called in to Whispers, a radio sex show (which is now one of the most popular shows in the nation) with a question. He wondered if he could have made a girl pregnant or got AIDS himself from their encounter. The incident in question was one where he and a girl kissed and hugged (and that's all) while wearing winter coats.

In the past, the government would have cracked down not only on the naughty public kiss but also on the radio show, but now, realizing whole generations lack adequate sexual information and it's leading to restlessness and resentment of the government, they tolerate it. The government has even come to tolerate sex conferences, complete with sex toy sales and video demonstrations, often flooded by as many as 15,000 people; whereas they used to shut them down. And Beijing alone has 5,000 sex shops, more than New York -- all of which are allowed to dispense free sex ed and sell lingerie and sex toys -- without bother.

It seems sex ed really is needed -- the film has other anecdotes about the level of sexual information out there. One couple, recently married, went to a health information centre to ask about "marital relations." The counselors soon realized they were both virgins. The couple thought sex entailed touching legs in bed. When I spoke to him, Cernetig said when he heard these two stories, he was shocked. But he's since heard countless more.

Raunch meets Revolution

Now, I've asked a few male friends about this. All said no one specifically told them the details about the birds and the bees, but they were pretty sure that a certain part of their anatomy was meant to make contact with something else -- anything else, in fact. And the idea that leg-touching could be "it" seemed, to them, hard to buy. But as a woman, who grew up before so-called third wave feminism made pole dancing and lingerie-in-high-school the norm (have you seen Gossip Girl?), I can see that with sexual repression 100 times stronger than what I experienced, that kind of deep ignorance is not only possible but likely.

Young people in the film are aware they're under a cloak of darkness and are moving into the cities in droves in order to shed it. The phrase "Sex and the City" comes up frequently, albeit in interesting translations. There's even a word for the first city haircut a country girl gets -- and it represents a kind of metamorphosis. And on the documentary, one such country-bumpkin-transformation says she's now working as a waitress, and gets shocked when she sees men and women kissing in the restaurant -- she sticks out her tongue. But she sticks around.

Another, Xiao Feng, the editor of the Chinese equivalent of FHM is in her 30s and still not interested in getting married. "Once, I would have had a husband and love him and do everything for him. But now we can do things just for ourselves." She says this would have been unheard of even a few years ago, and her parents still aren't pleased. But she'll continue the way she is. And many other women are leaving party-arranged, loveless marriages to pursue the city life too, creating an urban divorce rate comparable to ours.

Feng, and many other "city girls" are glamorous. But most women in the doc aren't. In fact, one of the most striking things about the documentary is the images of women not subject to "beauty" obsession present elsewhere, like here.

I covered the Miss China World pageant for a magazine a few years ago, and let's just say most women in the film don't look like they just stepped off that stage. It threw me for a minute, to see women not so elaborately commercially groomed, and it was also a relief. There was a kind of innocence -- meaning un-self-consciousness -- that I definitely don't experience here. And unlike when I watch "normal" TV, I wasn't constantly measuring myself against the women in the shows. Instead, I was just drawn in to what they were saying.

It's the feminist irony. On the one hand, I wanted them to find liberation and their dreams. On the other, I wanted to warn them against looking for it in a lip gloss.

Dancing without the stars

In fact, the most charming thing about the doc is the images -- shots of ordinary people and of places like night clubs. In the last clubs I went to, in Vancouver, New York and even London, most people looked bored and jaded (maybe nightclubs have "ended" but that's another story). Not so in Beijing. The club-goers look like they've been locked away until this very minute and have just seen color, warmth, music, booze, drugs and the opposite sex for the first time. There's joy on their faces and in their uninhibited dancing. It's worth watching this film just to see the wholehearted enjoyment.

But it's not all rosy -- and unlike most docs that focus on sexy topics, this one delves into the complex sociological implications of the trends.

The one child policy was meant to curb overpopulation, and on the good side (depending on whom you ask) had the unintended consequence of liberating women to pursue other things like education and paid employment. But solving the population problem created social problems -- given the culture's strong preference for boys, there will be 30 million more men than women within the decade.

Cernetig says for him, it was the saddest part of the research. In the cities, there are whole armies of men who will never have a girlfriend or a wife. They've moved from the country to make a certain kind of life and won't ever have it. And a form of class-ism is building. Working class men in the film talk about how they know they will never get a wife because they don't own an apartment and they aren't at least 173 centimetres tall.

"There is already a rising sense of gang violence in China," he says, "and it's getting harder to control. And that's the reason. A lot of men have nothing to lose. They go to Beijing only to find they will never be a Beijinger."

And it's also given rise to a thriving, brand new sex trade, not unlike that of Thailand's bordellos -- to serve those men. Some scenes show "karaoke bars," shot with a secret camera, where a hundred women sit in a basement, waiting for a client/john to purchase their services for the evening. Cernetig says the dungeon-like grimness there is one of the things that shocked him most.

So what can we learn from watching a sped-up version of the 1960s North American revolution take place at warp speed? Cernetig says, "One is that the Chinese are more like us than you might think. And the other is that it's a very layered place and a lot of what you see about the great rise of China actually masks a lot of problems."

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Sex A Taboo To A Muslim Girl

Rosie Millard
There is no way that Selin Tamtekin could be described as even remotely low-life. Immaculate, groomed to perfection, she walks towards me on perfectly unscuffed heels, without a gleaming hair out of place or a single microfibre of dust on her pristine white shirt.

At 33 she looks after the private clients of a Mayfair contemporary art gallery, organising dinner parties for collectors and inhabiting a glittering world that thinks nothing of dropping £40,000 on a painting. Her father is Yuksel Tamtekin, one of Turkey's most revered consular-generals.

Yet she has caused outrage in Turkey after the British publication of her debut novel. The Turkish Diplomat's Daughter is a racy roman à clef, chronicling sexual affairs with a Bangladeshi landlord, a sailor and a Freddie Mercury-obsessed fantasist.

When Turkish newspapers got hold of the book, Tamtekin admitted her identity (it is written under the pseudonym Deniz Goran) and was so roundly pilloried that worried friends dubbed her "the female Salman Rushdie". Splashed on the front pages of at least four national newspapers, she was derided as a "high-class Mayfair prostitute" who was writing about her own thinly veiled sexual experiences. The media were astonished that not only a Turkish woman but one from the highest echelons of society had written so frankly about her sexuality.

A public witch-hunt went on to name and shame members of the Turkish elite whose sexual peccadil-loes were supposedly outlined by the novel. Tamtekin went into hiding for three weeks, horrified by the uproar.

Despite the title, she insists that the novel is not about her experiences.

"It's not an autobiography, although there are people and situations in it that have inspired me. In society, women are expected to play the game according to the rules. Well, I wanted to create a character who does as she pleases. It's not common for women in Turkey to be so overtly sexual," admits Tamtekin.

Although she concedes she has not received death threats, the examples of not only Rushdie, but also Theo van Gogh, the Dutch film-maker murdered for Submission, his transgressive film about women and sex in Islamic society, are a reminder that artistic expression as social critique is not easily accepted in some Muslim countries, even the secular ones.

Tamtekin is unbowed and is furious about the hypocrisy. "It's not as if no one has sex in Turkey. Of course women have sexually active lives, but they always make sure that no one hears about them. Women aren't able to stand out as individuals and talk openly about sex or fancying men," she says.

Turkey might pride itself on its secularity, but it seems as if the notion of a sexually active woman is as utterly taboo there as it is in far more fundamentalist Muslim countries. Tamtekin, who has a BA in history of art from University College London, is the first Turkish Muslim woman to publish a sexually explicit book. The reaction to what would seem pretty mainstream in Britain and the rest of Europe, where even such salacious series as Sex and the City have become accepted, shows how wide the gulf in attitudes still is between Turkey and its neighbours.

The process of Turkish accession to the European Union may well require a wholesale modernisation of the country's attitudes to women and freedom of expression. "There are no tele-vision programmes where people just chat about sex, for example," says Tamtekin. "Where I am from in Istan-bul, it's not that restrictive. I come from a secular, liberal background. But a high number of people living in Turkey regard virginity as crucial and would not contemplate the idea that their daughter might have sex before marriage."

As her book roundly attests, this morality is often utter hypocrisy; Tamtekin vividly describes a society where young women may well be sexually active but who are encouraged to visit a back-street doctor for a bit of "corrective" surgery before marriage.

She writes of a society where in remote rural areas incest is an unspoken but present horror and where, even among the middle classes, "sex, especially female sexuality and homo-sexuality, is still regarded as taboo - it's always done in a highly intricate manner behind closed doors".

From the subsequent furore, one can only surmise that many of her observations on Turkish society are spot on; even her father, the worldly wise diplomat, has stopped speaking to her since her book came out. "When a female Turkish author writes about sex in such a big way, that's a big issue," says Tamtekin sadly.

Given all the fuss, why did she go on with the publication of her novel in Turkish, which is now imminent? "Before signing the Turkish agreement I did have my doubts," she admits. "But if you have an idea and have created something, you have to take a stand and go all the way. I'm not insisting on imposing my own ideas, but everyone has a right to an opinion. I believe I have a right to publish this book in Turkey. And I will stand by my book."

She says that when writing it she just let her imagination wander. "I mean, why do people make such a big deal of it," she says. "We all have sex, everyone does. Sex is part of life and we should come to terms with it. From an early age, my father always taught me there was no taboo in art. And so I took him at his word."

Somehow I suspect that did not go down too well with the former consular-general. "Well, I sent him a letter reminding him that he always told me I was an artist with a great imagination. Of course, my mother asked me why I didn't write a novel all about flowers and birds."

Her novel is a lively gauntlet thrown down by a single woman championing casual sex. It encourages women to indulge in sex openly and freely and even dares to cast a sceptical look at marital fidelity. And it's not just about Turkey.

As she writes: "I never seem to understand why society considers sexually liberated women as such a big threat. Even in London, as a woman you need to play down your sexuality, otherwise people see you as some sort of a nuisance. I find it insane that there is still a majority out there who actually believe men . . . have a much higher sexual drive than women."

While The Turkish Diplomat's Daughter (Burning House, £10.99) may not be perfect literary fiction, the ideas that it suggests are quietly revolutionary. "I would like to be able to change opinion a bit," says Tamtekin. "I am not saying every woman should be leaping around, but they should have more freedom to do so if they wish to. And be open about it."

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Gay Sex Party Busted In Kuala Lumpur

Police in Malaysia, where sodomy is a crime, broke up a gay sex party and arrested 37 men, including a Briton and a Chinese national, a senior official said this week.

Police, acting on a public tip-off, raided a fitness center in northern Penang island Sunday while a sex party was in progress and arrested the 37 men, aged between 20 and 45, said local police chief Azam Abdul Hamid.

Apart from the two foreigners, all of the men are ethnic Chinese Malaysians including three who work at the center, he said.

Police found used condoms strewn all over the floor, seven tubes of lubrication jelly, 20 gay magazines, four pornographic VCDs and six boxes of new condoms, he said.

"Based on our information, the center was regularly used for these gay activities," Azam told The Associated Press. "This is against our culture, our way of life."

Investigations are ongoing but he said the operator of the premises could lose his business license if he is found to have abused it, and the men, who have been released, could be charged with committing unnatural sex acts.

Homosexuality is not specified as a crime in predominantly Muslim Malaysia but it is covered under a law prohibiting sodomy, which is punishable by up to 20 years in prison and whipping.

Azam said police are also surveilling other centers suspected to be involved in gay activities under an ongoing operation to check vice activities in Penang island, a major tourist centre.

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Deadly 'iku iku byo' reaches a climax in Japan

Ryann Connell

Growing numbers of Japanese women are afflicted with an illness that gives them orgasms virtually 24 hours a day. And with suggestions that it could be deadly, the women hardly know whether they're coming or going, according to Shukan Post.

"If a guy simply taps me on the shoulder, I just swoon. Even when I go to the toilet, my body reacts. I'm a little bit scared of myself," one woman sufferer tells Shukan Post.

Another adds: "When I got on the train one day, I could feel blood gushing toward a certain part of my body and it felt so good I almost let out a moan. It was sheer murder when everybody got pushed into the carriage."

Yet another woman has her say.

"Even the vibration of my mobile phone is enough to set me off," she says. "My friend said there's something called Iku Iku byo (Cum Cum Disease). I guess I've got that."

What may be afflicting these women, the best-selling weekly says, is an ailment called persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS).

PSAS has been described as an affliction that brings about orgasm through the slightest of jolts regardless of whether they're aroused, or even thinking about sex. What's more, orgasms experienced by PSAS sufferers are not just momentary phenomena, instead affecting women over anywhere from a few days to a week, with one reported case seeing 300 orgasms in a single day.

Awareness in Japan of PSAS -- which was first documented by Dr. Sandra Leiblum in the United States five years ago -- is growing, especially in the blogsphere, where it is being called Iku Iku byo.

Hideo Yamanaka, a doctor at the Toranomon Hibiya Clinic in Tokyo says the disease can be debilitating.

"For women to orgasm, they need to have some sort of sexual stimulation. There are nerves around the female genitals which react to sexual stimulation. The body gradually builds up to a crescendo, that ascends to a climax," the doctor tells Shukan Post. "However, with this disease, women are mysteriously reaching climax without any external sexual stimulation at all. One possible cause that I can think of is an irregularity in the sensory nerves."

PSAS discover Leiblum says that the disease has a tendency to strike post-menopausal women in their 40s and 50s or those who've undergone hormonal treatment. But she adds that there have also been cases reported among women in their 30s, stressing that too little is known about the syndrome to pinpoint anything and adds that the nature of the ailment means that many sufferers may be too ashamed to report it.

PSAS numbers in the U.S. are high enough for support groups to have popped up, suggesting it won't be too long before Japan sees the same.

"Awareness levels are still too low," Jeannie Allen, the head of PSAS Support, tells Shukan Post. "I think there's a strong possibility that there are Japanese patients."

Manga artist Akira Narita, who says he has slept with over 1,000 different women, says he has come across some he believes may have had PSAS.

"There must have been about 15 who came without me doing a thing. We'd only need to stare in each other's eyes and they'd start wiggling about, gripping tightly onto whatever was around them and their bodies would start to shake. There were others who'd orgasm repeatedly just because I'd stroked their hands," the self-professed sexpert says. "I'd always thought of these women as types who got off in their minds, but I think perhaps they may have had PSAS."

PSAS is not sex addiction and, considering the constant orgasms can be draining, can often be a painful and demeaning experience. Many sufferers are driven to the verge of suicide, prompting medical experts to recommend anybody who suspects they have the ailment to seek a doctor's advice immediately.

"Anybody who has the slightest suspicion," physician Yamanaka tells Shukan Post, "should get to a gynecologist or neurologist straight away."

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