Are You A Cyber Trickster Or A Cyber Treat?

Kathryn Lord

Anyone who has done any online dating or listened to other singles knows that dating horror stories abound. You hear less about the successes, and there are plenty, believe me. I'm one of them -- I met my husband online. If people like me weren't finding love online, Internet dating sites would have gone out of business years ago.
But if there is ever a time for horror, it's Halloween. If you need a few lessons on how to scare the willies out of your cyber sweetheart, try some of these Trickster Tips. You won't even need to yell "Boo!"
How to be a Cyber Trickster:

1. Lie -- about your age, weight, height or marital status.

2. Post an old or deceptive photo. (Most men have learned how far a "glamour shot" is from reality, but not all...).

3. Start writing/talking about sex in the second email or first phone call.

4. Neglect your personal hygiene. Do not have your teeth cleaned in recent memory. Or take a bath. Or clean your nails. Or have your hair cut. Or your gray roots dyed.

5. Treat your first date like a trip to the laundromat. Dress accordingly.

6. Expect the worst and make it happen.

7. Take your time. Be late. Very late.

8. Forget your wallet.

9. Show up drunk or high, or proceed to get that way.

10. Say that you will call or email and then don't.
Scary, huh? Well, if you'd like to be more of a treat and less of a trick, avoid the boo-boos that so many others have made before you. Take some of these hints on being a Cyber Treat.

How to be a Cyber Treat:

1. Look like your photo.

2. Tell the truth, especially about things a potential mate would want to know (relationship histories, children and families, disease or disabilities, or financial difficulties, for instance). If you have a secret that keeps you from dating, you need my article "Do you have a secret? How to tell your sweetheart your worst"

3. Be polite, kind, responsible and prompt in your communications. Kindness and courtesy cost nothing.

4. If you are not interested in pursuing contact, say so in an email. Be tactful. This process is hard enough on everyone. Rude and nasty need to take a hike.

5. Do not continue contact or date if you know that this person is not for you, just because you don't know how to say "no" or don't want to hurt the other's feelings. It is cowardly, not kind. Exit graciously and free your date up to find someone who will appreciate them.

6. Take your share of the responsibility in keeping communications going and building a relationship. Dare to initiate contact, offer plans for meeting, and be ready to share expenses.

7. Show by your behavior that you treat the possible relationship as important. Groom and dress for meetings -- neat and clean go a long way, as does freshly barbered or hair-styled. Show up when you said you would. Offer to help pay.

8. Try to relax and don't push yourself in an attempt to impress. If you are interested in your date and ask questions, that will help you feel less in the spotlight.

9. Avoid alcohol and drugs -- one drink at the most. You need your senses totally sharp so that you can decide whether you want to see this person again. And no one is more attractive drunk or high.

10. Expect and insist on the same respect and honesty from your date as you are willing to provide for them. If your date misbehaves or you find that you have been lied to or misled, you are not obligated to see this person again or even endure the rest of the date.
Despite the "trick or treat" of Halloween, most of us want the treat part and would just as soon skip the trick. No one likes feeling tricked. If you'd like the option of a second date, improve your chances dramatically: make yourself into a treat.

P.S. If you are unsure if you are a "trick or treat" you could use my book "Find a Sweetheart Soon!" It will take you through all the ways that singles undermine themselves in their search for love, and help you design your solutions. There is nothing like being ready when the right person shows up. "Find a Sweetheart Soon!" will get you readier than you can imagine.

Kathryn Lord, romance coach and author, met her now husband Drew online. Out of the dating world for years, Kathryn conquered her fears, found her perfect mate and built a solid relationship. She put what she has learned into writing in "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at Find-a-Sweetheart.com.

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The UPs And Downs Of Dating

David Wygant

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It's an emotional rollercoaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator.
Here's my list of the top ups and downs of dating -- and how to feel better about them:

1. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you're going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You'll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently. The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don't call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

2. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don't beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.

3. I texted them the next morning and said, "I had a great time last night," and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. They probably had a good time, but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the "it" factor wasn't there. It's not about you. At least you were honest. So you did all you can do.

4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message and now you're replaying it in your head a thousand times. "Should I have said 'Last night was fun' with more enthusiasm? Is that why she's not calling me back?" When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say, "Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak." That's it -- it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think, "Now they know that I like them, and they don't like me." So what? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray they call? I always believe in being honest. You've got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two-hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself more. This is just one person you went out with for two hours. They don't know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn't the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. You've got to toughen your skin. Rejection is what dating is all about; you can't take it personally. If I go out with someone and I have a great time but they never want to see me again, I'm still a great person the next day.
Want some tips about dealing with dating rejection? See them here

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don't call you back, this is not the last person in the world you're going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind to realize that if it doesn't work out with one person (or 10 people), there are plenty of other people out there who do want to hang out with a fantastic person like you.

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The Secret Of A Perfect First Date

David Wygant

Throughout the years, men have always asked me, "How do I make that first date as perfect as she expects it to be?"
I've come up with a checklist of some of my favorite first-date tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night. In fact, these are so good, she'll be texting or calling you within the next 24 hours expecting more of the same!

1. It's OK to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a potentially boring, four-course ordeal, too!

2. Always call her by early evening on Tuesday to confirm a Wednesday get-together -- it's the polite thing to do and it lets her know you're already thinking about her.

3. Be sure to leave both your home and work phone numbers. If you don't leave your home number, she might assume you have a wife or girlfriend. If you don't leave any number, she'll wonder what game you're playing.

4. If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating in high heels on a sunset beach walk.

5. Always listen to what she has to say, and make sure you wait until she's done talking before responding.

6. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you. Don't go overboard, though, or she might think you're insincere.

7. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more apt to lock lips with you that night.

8. Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 10 guys asked that. Be original and instead fill your iPod with a great mix of music that expresses your style.

9. Tip well. Believe me, she'll be watching.

10. Reading body language is simple: If she touches your arm, she's interested. If she touches your leg, she's interested tonight. If she leans away from you the whole night, she is not interested at all.

11. Very small gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman. When you drop her off at her house, be sure to wait the extra 30 seconds while she gets inside (and next time you might be going in with her!).

12. Women need momentum. Without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have lost it, too. Follow up with a phone call the next night. Even more important, ask her out at the end of the date. Don't play games or wait.

13. Never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches your wandering eye, you are done.

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10 Keys To Charming Smart Women

David Wygant
Modern society thrusts men and women into each other’s worlds more than ever before, and it is becoming increasingly necessary for people of both genders to know how to have appropriate, friendly relationships with each other. But some times for no obvious reasons charming a women is daunting task, do you feel this way too? Then consider these.

Do they like a daily check-in phone call? Does she secretly wish you'd text her in the middle of the day for no reason but to make her smile? Do they prefer expensive dinners to home-cooked meals? Rock-hard abs? Flowers for no reason?

Identifying women's turn-ons is complicated, because they all react differently. Some women you wish came with owner's manuals so you knew exactly how they were wired. Luckily, I've done most of the legwork for you and am happy to pass this knowledge on to you.

1. Be aware. This means cracking open more than the sports section on the daily paper. Be up on current events and learn the difference between feelings, emotions and thoughts. Women are emotional beings and tend to think things through. They are attracted to men who are as smart or smarter than them, and your knowledge of worldly matters will demonstrate your intelligence.

2. Demonstrate humor. Women love a man who can make them laugh. Now don't fret here if you're not a stand-up comedian. We all have a certain type of humor. You can be dry, sarcastic, hilariously funny, quick-witted or dark. Being able to poke fun at yourself and just plain old being goofy is a turn-on for women. Keep in mind that all women are not attracted to the same type of humor, so if you don't vibe, just walk away and try someone else.

3. Have passion. A guy who lives his life with gusto is incredibly appealing. When you speak to a woman about your life, your travels, your job, your interests, speak with passion. That passion about who you are will turn her on instantly. She will start to imagine what it will be like when you are involved with her and how passionate you will speak about her.

4. Be considerate. Pay attention to the little things and look for opportunities to make small gestures that show you care. A simple "How was your day?" and being able to listen to her when she wants to discuss something are huge. So many men forget about simple things like holding the door, paying for her valet or just thanking her for a great time last night. Women are all about a guy with manners -- she is not attracted to the dope who acts like a caveman.

5. Be honest. Share who you are by telling her something personal. Maybe share one of your favorite childhood memories or some personal growth that you have been going through. Something that will show her that you are a trusting and honest person. It also shows that you are a confident but vulnerable man. Women love to see the vulnerable side of you. Note: Don't talk about an ex in a bad way here. If you have to talk about an ex, do so in a positive manner and share what you learned and how you grew from the relationship.

6. Be flexibile. Be open to her plans but surprise her with your flexibility. Take charge and surprise her with a fun night out. Instead of being the typical guy who makes a reservation, think about how you can be the guy who listens to her and plans a great date that she did not expect. If you can pull this off, she will be open to all sorts of advances from you.

7. Be positive. If you are positive about life, it shows in your actions. I always tell men to be extra nice to waiters, bartenders and other service people. Be a courteous driver when she's in the car. When you are in line at the movies, don't complain. Look for the humor and try to have fun with people all around you. Be positive about everything, and she will find you to be very sexy and alluring. No one wants to be with a negative hothead.

8. Be balanced. Women love a successful, ambitious man. They love that you work hard, but if you constantly put work ahead of her she will become turned off. She will start to imagine what life with you will be like with her needs being ignored. If you are out meeting women to date, you need to balance your life between work and play. This will be a major turn-on for her.

9. Have ambition. Men who are ambitious about what they do are a turn-on to women. It doesn't matter if you choose to be a rich stock trader or a painter, as long as you are passionate about who you are and what you do. If you don't love what you do, find something that really turns you on. You can't attract the woman you want with a negative ambition. Women love a man who is the best at what he does.

10. Be attentive. You are out with her for the very first time, and she tells you she loves a certain type of music. On the next date take her to a lounge that plays that type of music. It is all about paying attention to the details and working on your listening skills.

This list of 10 things will work in most cases. Keep in mind there is always the woman who you just can't seem to please. If you happen to cross paths with this type of woman, ask yourself, "Why would I want to be with a woman who is so difficult?"
I tend to avoid the difficult, judgmental women. Knowing women's turn-ons and putting them into practice will help you identify women who may be relationship material. You need to realize that you want to attract and turn on the women that are attracted to you on an equal level!

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