How to Identify a Sex Addict

Sex addiction can involve many different sexual antics; it may be a strong desire to have sex, masturbate, watch porn or flirt. A person is defined as a sex addict when his behavior gets out of control and starts to have a negative impact on his life. These feelings and behaviors cause a great deal of shame, hopelessness and confusion for the sex addict. These feelings are also normally accompanied by denial, despite it being an unmanageable problem in the sex addict's life.

Sexual addiction takes up a great deal of energy, and you know you’re in trouble when your behavior causes relationship breakdowns, job problems, legal issues, and a loss of interest in anything non-sexual. If you suspect you have a problem, read on for some signs that you might be a sex addict.

Note: Understand that there is a big difference between a creep and a bona fide sex addict, so being a general pervert or filth monger doesn’t qualify you as a sex addict. Being a sex addict means your sexual desires are significantly impinging on your life in a negative way -- which does not include being unable to pick up, by the way.

You’re leading a double life
Do you have an extra girlfriend or mistress? Do you regularly cheat on your partner? Do you keep your sex life a secret from those around you? Leading a double life for sexual gain can be a sign you’re a sex addict. It is true that many people (men and women alike) cheat on their partners, but a compulsion to do so is abnormal. Keeping your sex life a secret may also point to a problem: Why don’t you want to reveal your activities? When you know that what you are doing is wrong but you can’t seem to help yourself, you have a problem.

You frequently seek out sexual material
A preoccupation with all things sex can lead to a very narrow existence. When you constantly and consistently only seek out media that is sex-related, this might be a sign you’re a sex addict. We are not referring to the average guy who enjoys watching the occasional porn, looking at photographs or reading sex articles; it refers to the guy who is always seeking out sexually related material to the exclusion of most other things. It could also include a preoccupation with things like adult dating sites; perhaps you are not being very productive at work because you are desperately seeking Susan/Sarah/Savannah.

You’re compromising your personal relationships
This sign you’re a sex addict refers to compromising your relationship with your girlfriend or wife, but it can easily extend to social and work circles as well. You may cheat, be deceptive or be untrue to yourself and your partner in a variety of ways. Being unfaithful doesn’t just mean having sexual contact with another person; it can be demonstrated in other ways like regularly visiting strip clubs or X-rated movie theaters without your partner's knowledge.

You seek out explicit sexual adventures
If you can’t get excitement out of sex with the same person, you might desire or attempt to seek out more exciting encounters. This could lead you down a dangerous trail of constantly needing different stimuli to gain satisfaction and relief. If you’re never satisfied with a standard lovemaking session with your partner every now and again, your sexuality is suffering. Frequently seeking out sexual variety is often indicative of an out-of-control sexual problem.

You get into trouble with the law
You may be engaging in many activities that are illegal in most places, such as sex with prostitutes, sex with minors or exhibitionism. Some activities might not be criminal offenses, but they are offensive nonetheless: voyeurism, indecent phone calls, etc. If your sex life is getting you into trouble, this might be a sign you’re a sex addict. Sex should not get you into trouble, especially legal trouble; this could lead not only to a breakdown of a relationship, but embarrassment as your face and name are spread all over the local media.

You have negative feelings about your behavior
If you have intense negative feelings about yourself because of your behavior, it’s time to get help. Everyone has a say in their lives, but sometimes we lose it and fall into a pit of despair. Feeling suicidal, guilty, remorseful or shameful can devastate your sense of self and lead to denial. Sex addiction is like other addictions; it is characterized by one’s life becoming unmanageable as a direct result of the addictive behavior. When we do things because we are compelled to do them, and then hate ourselves for giving in to the urge, we create a nasty pattern of behavior that destroys our lives.

x-rated addiction
Sex addiction sounds like it could be fun, but it isn't. Sex addicts are in a cycle of destructive behavior that won’t stop without help. Many people are classified as sex addicts, but it’s not a title to give to just anyone who is obsessed with sex. It is a type of behavior that can be changed with self-knowledge, self-love and a good therapist.

If you think you may have a problem with sex addiction, help is available. Online forums and sites are good starting points. Remember: The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

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Hong Kong Sex Workers Attacking Foreign Businessmen

Forty-four mostly foreign businessmen have reported being drugged and robbed by sex workers in a Hong Kong red-light district over the last three years, police said this week.

Police are continuing to investigate the possible poisoning deaths of two Americans at the Grand Hyatt hotel, also in the red-light Wan Chai district, over a week ago. Reports said the two men, identified only as Paul, 45, and Richard, 51, had been to a night club before returning to their room with two women.

The men's slumped bodies were discovered the next day by cleaning staff.

Police have yet to say what caused the men's deaths, although they have not ruled out that they were drugged. The Standard newspaper reported that a mixture of cocaine and heroin was found in their blood, but police have refused to comment, saying toxicology tests were continuing.

A Filipino women arrested shortly after the bodies were found has been released, but will appear in court on charges of violating her visa by moonlighting as a prostitute, a police spokesman said.

Police said Sunday that at least 44 men had reported incidents of drugging and robbery over the last three years in Wan Chai, where many nightclubs are easy places to meet Filipino, Indonesian and mainland Chinese prostitutes.

Some victims couldn't remember much and only made reports days or weeks after the event when they received their bank statements and found unexplained withdrawals from cash machines, a police spokeswoman said.

Other victims discovered cash and other valuables missing when they awoke in their hotel room, she said, speaking on condition of anonymity in line with policy.

Police were aware of the problem and of the possibility that some type of date-rape drug may have been used, she said.

She said police were giving crime prevention advice to bars and hotels in the area and working with the immigration department.

In one of the most high-profile cases, a senior Finnish policeman, Kari Juhani Koivuniemi, died of a heart attack in a luxury hotel after being given the drug Rohypnol in 2003. A woman thought to have been a mainland Chinese prostitute was suspected of giving him the drug, but she was never found.

Wan Chai was once one of Hong Kong's most notorious districts for sex and drugs, but has undergone a makeover in recent years. It remains a popular place for U.S. sailors, tourists and overseas businessmen.

Although prostitution is legal in Hong Kong, many of the women are either illegal immigrants from mainland China, the Philippines, Indonesia and Thailand, or moonlighting from their day jobs.

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Bangkok's Christian Evangelists Peddling Salvation Among Sex Workers

Two evenings a week, members of Nightlight Ministries visit the seedy hostess and go-go bars of Bangkok's infamous multi-story Nana Entertainment Plaza.

Unlike other customers, they are not there to drink beer, gaze at scantily-clad dancers writhing around chrome poles, or to take one of the women back to a hotel. Instead, their aim is to bring prostitutes "to Jesus Christ," according to the group's Website. "Nightlight's vision is to share the Light of the world in both word and deed to those who live in darkness," the group says.

Nightlight's American founder and director Annie Dieselberg, 43, says she has never encountered more evil than in the sex industry. "It's so dark and so destructive," she says. But her work is also controversial. The evangelists have been ridiculed, threatened and shouted at in the street. Critics say Nightlight preys on vulnerable, poorly educated women and offers them false hope with talk of miracles and salvation.

"These girls [sex workers] are very vulnerable," says Fannie Joanette-Samson, a Canadian volunteer worker at the Empower Foundation, a Thai NGO that supports women working in the sex industry by offering free English language classes, job training, health advice and a realistic take on the trade. Empower's approach is non-judgmental and sometimes even humorous. A newsletter the group puts out for sex workers carries the slogan, "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere."

"They don't really have self-esteem and they are really shy about what they are doing . some of them are not educated. If you don't really have an education and you never went to school, you can believe anything," says Joanette-Samson.

Estimates of how many prostitutes there are in Thailand range from around 150,000 to a staggering two million (out of a population of 65 million). The figures are subject to controversy and are difficult to calculate because many "freelance" prostitutes work part-time or only occasionally, and move around the country. In addition, NGOs working in the field have manipulated statistics for their own ends.

Most prostitution in Thailand caters to local men or other Asians. In Bangkok, "girlie bars" catering mostly to western men are concentrated in three areas - Patpong, Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza. The bars attract a mix of tourists and expatriates, and most of the women working there are from Thailand's poor, rural northeast. They hope to make a living, help their families, snag a regular boyfriend and maybe, if their luck is good, marry a wealthy farang (westerner).

Nightlight Ministries, which was founded two years ago, focuses on the Nana/Sukhumvit Road area, where Dieselberg estimates there are around 20,000 working prostitutes. An eloquent and engaging mother-of-four, Dieselberg has spent 12 years in Bangkok, eight of them working with women in the sex industry.

Nightlight offers training and employment to former sex workers through its jewellery-making business, and more than 60 are currently employed full-time. Applicants must have experience in the sex industry or be at risk of involvement in prostitution or trafficking. The Web sites solicits donations that can be sent to an address in Los Angeles or the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada. They also accept credit cards.

The women start off earning 6,500 baht (around $210) a month and after a three-month trial they receive a salary of 7,000 baht, which is then raised every year. They also receive social welfare insurance and a savings plan. The salary is considerably less than many could expect to earn working in the bars, where a man would likely give a woman about half that much for one night of sex, but is about average for working-class Bangkok residents.

Despite the group's Christian orientation, Dieselberg denies that Nightlight preys on the vulnerable and pressures women to convert to Christianity, but her agenda is pretty clear.

"We are Christian but we don't believe that you can force somebody to believe in Christianity. It's a matter of the heart. If the women decide to become Christian, we want it to be because they want to be. Usually they become interested fairly quickly," she said.

"They begin to ask questions and seek answers. They begin to pray and seek God out, and over time many of them do become Christian, but that's because their hearts have been drawn to it and it's their own desire."

Now, she says, Nightlight has 19 or 20 Christian ex-prostitutes under its wing and "their lives have been transformed."

The group also claims, controversially, that God performs miracles for the women under its wing. It says one woman was diagnosed with lung cancer, but after being prayed for, the diagnosis was changed to asthma.

Other women have been cured of physical problems through the power of prayer, says Dieselberg. She talks of women on their death beds with HIV who became fit enough to go out running within a couple of weeks. "We see miracles day in, day out," she claims.
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Critics like Joanette-Samson are particularly scathing about such claims, saying they mislead the people Nightlight is supposedly trying to help and give them false hope. "All religions have been created to give hope to people," she said. "It's good to have hope but at the same time you have to be grounded, be there in reality."

However, the most controversial aspect of Nightlight is its outreach work. Dieselberg said members go out on the streets twice a week, from 7pm to midnight, and they also go into the bars.

"We order a drink for a woman. We watch their body language," she said. "You can tell from the body language if they are depressed. If we can read the signs we pray before we go out. We invite them for a drink, then we get to know them . We just build relationships."

The missionaries have attracted plenty of derision for their activities. They were ridiculed as "a bunch of donation-seeking religious wackos" by Mango Sauce, a popular expatriate blogger who chronicles the seamier side of Bangkok life. Some of his readers went even further, posting contributions labelling them "hypocrites" and "nut jobs".
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One reader wrote: "These people are just idiots. They thrive on public humiliation because they see it [as] proof of their suffering before God. Of course the reality is that it serves only to isolate them more from the rest of humanity".

Dieselberg says Nightlight missionaries have been shouted at in the street, threatened and nearly physically attacked. For safety reasons, they never do their outreach work alone.

"We have problems with foreign men. We interrupt their fantasies," she said. "We talk to the men, too. We are not hateful and try not to be judgemental towards the men either, but the men have their assumptions and false beliefs about what we are doing and who we are."

She says men who pay for sex are exploited too, in a sense, because afterwards they are even more lonely than they were before. "I feel sorry for the men sometimes. It [prostitution] is destructive to the men as well."

The story of Lek, 30, a former sex worker who is now employed by Nightlight and has converted to Christianity, is the kind of tale Nightlight likes to emphasize. A mother of two, from the northeastern province of Kalasin, Lek, whose parents are dead, came to Bangkok after she separated from a boyfriend who took all her money. She worked as a prostitute and go-go dancer for about five years, from the age of 23. Working in the bars was fun on the outside, she said, but inside there was sorrow.

"I don't know how to explain it. I never thought that I would come to the point where I would do this. One part was fun but the other part felt horrible and guilty and self-condemning," she said. "If you think you are going to find a relationship with a man who comes for fun, it's not going to be a real relationship."

Most of the customers she went with were fairly nice, she says, but a few were verbally abusive.

Lek has spent about nine months with Nightlight and says her life is now totally different. "I have time with my children now, to go home and rest. When I was working at night, I didn't have time to see my children. I had to leave my two kids alone in the apartment," she says.

"At Nightlight I feel a lot more secure. I have a lot more friends. I've got help and I've changed from being one kind of person to another kind of person. I've learned how to make jewellery and I'm learning English. I also get to study the Bible, and there are different activities we get to do. I'm happy with my work and what I'm doing now."

Lek talks vaguely about her health problems but doesn't elaborate. "What I'm still really, really sad about is my health. I'm worried about my children," she said. Dieselberg, who has been translating - accurately, as far as this writer could tell - comforts Lek and holds her hand. There seems to be mutual respect and affection between the two women.

"I still have some anxiety from time to time about not having enough money, but deep inside I'm happy because I'm not alone," said Lek. "I have some good friends. I think I will be here working at Nightlight until I can't do it anymore."

Dieselberg is determined to continue her battle against the sex trade, and argues that groups like the Empower Foundation add to the problem by "normalising" prostitution.

"Why is it that the women who are choosing prostitution are the ones who don't have other choices?" she asks. "This work is hard. It's destructive, it destroys the spirit . I don't want to empower women to stay in prostitution when it will kill them. I want to empower them to have a choice."

Addressing the moral issues of trying to convert people to Christianity in an overwhelmingly Buddhist country, Dieselberg says: "People who are not Christian get upset about that, but they are not giving the Thais the respect to be able to make their choice. We don't go out there and evangelise. We're just there making friends and loving them, and they see something in us that they've not seen somewhere else."

The group's website, however, says something else. Nightlight's aim is to achieve its goals through "Relational Evangelism" - a way to "introduce women and children to the love and mercy of Jesus Christ, to disciple them into a strong faith as people who will then impact their communities."

Joanette-Samson rejects Dieselberg's arguments and says Nightlight's actions can be harmful. Sex workers don't need a new religion, she says - they need information and help.

"Empower is not trying to say that prostitution is something normal," she says. "They are trying to get the girls to talk about it and have information. They are not saying that prostitution is such a good thing. They are just trying to remove the taboo so the girls can get more protection, more information.

"It's good that they [Nightlight] want to help but you can do better things than what they are doing now. They want you to be in their religion. There's something wrong with that."

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Philippino Government Clamp Down On Old Cinemas Now Prostitute Dens

The Manila government last week intensified its campaign against movie houses showing pornographic films.

This developed as Manila policemen arrested four men allegedly engaged in performing lewd acts inside old theaters in Quiapo and Sta. Cruz over the weekend.

Arrested were Rodolfo Balallo, 60, of Dan-Ar Santiago, Ilocos Sur; Larry Bihasa, 49, of Balintawak, Quezon City; Reynaldo Landicho, 48, of Tramo Street, Las Piñas City; and Emil Sacro, of Sampaloc, Manila, 29.

Police said the suspects were arrested after they were caught performing sexual acts with other male theatergoers.

The suspects were charged for violation of Article 200 of the Revised Penal Code (indecent act and public scandal) before the Manila Prosecutor's Office.

Authorities said some old movie houses in the city, particularly in Sta. Cruz and Quiapo, are showing pornographic films.
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These establishments have become a haven of gay prostitution, adding that even petty crimes also happen in these places, police said.

Mayor Alfredo Lim said he already ordered the inspection of movie houses in the city.

"I already asked city and police officials to keep a close watch at these establishments," he said, adding that he also asked City Hall's Business Permits and Licensing Office to look into the permits of such establishments whether they are complying with existing laws.

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Sex Slavery And Male Prostitution Plaguing Russian Army

According to the UN International Panel for Struggle against Sexual Exploitation, the Russian army is plagued with male prostitution. A small amount of money is enough to find a Russian soldier-prostitute in the center of Moscow.

Russian soldiers in a line-up seemingly experiencing the discomfort of conscripted participation Servicemen may become male prostitutes in the Russian army for various reasons. There are young men who voluntarily offer sexual favors to their homosexual clients; others are forced into prostitution against their own will. Newcomers, especially those who finished higher schools before joining the army, suffer from sexual harassment more often than others. Brave soldiers try to protect their honor and rights, although there is no one to help them: commanders and military officials may often be involved in the sex business too.

"When I was standing on duty, two bullies came up to me and shoved me into the stockroom, a soldier serving at one of Moscow's military units recollects. They raped me there in turn. It was very painful and revolting. It didn't take them much time to finish, but the next day I started noticing other soldiers giving me strange looks. I instantly realized that those bastards let everyone know what they had done to me. An officer came up to me one day and said to me point-blank: 'Tomorrow you will to serve two clients.' I knew that if I said 'no' then I would spend my last days spitting blood. But still, I told him 'no.' When the officer heard that, he pulled out pictures of me being raped in the stockroom. 'If you don't serve the clients, you mother will see these pictures' said he. I was forced into prostitution," the soldier said.

Another serviceman, named only as Ilya, became a male prostitute during his second month in the army. The young man received a letter from his girlfriend. "The sergeant told me that day that I would no longer need girls. He and three other men forced me to go behind the barracks to the abandoned construction site. They made me kneel their, tied me up to a lamppost and hit me several times in the groin. The pain was so strong that I lost the will to fight them back. They made me open my mouth and raped me. I don't remember how long it continued. When I came to my senses I didn't want to live. I was seriously thinking about committing suicide. I was shocked that the rapists were visiting me regularly afterwards bringing fruit and vodka for me. When it ended they made me a prostitute," Ilya said.

There were many incidents when soldiers prefer bid farewell to their lives being unable to cope with humiliation. However, military officials mostly say that such stories occur because of the unbalanced state of mind of the soldiers.

Solder Aleksey I. from the town of Taganrog was also going to commit suicide. He wrote a letter to his mother before: "Hello Mum. I have been raped like a whore. I have decided to kill myself. Please forgive me. I will hang myself, and nobody will call me a whore ever again. If I find out that my younger brothers will serve in the army too, I will curse you. I don't want to live like a faggot. I hate myself." The man's attempt to commit suicide failed. He is now a patient of a hospital for mentally unbalanced individuals.

Pimps in uniform aim at bringing a person down and humiliating him. If they succeed, they make a soldier become either a passive or an active male prostitute (an active one is more expensive). Prostitute soldiers are divided into three groups in Russia: the secluded, the street boys and the affiliated.

Street boys are the most common and cheapest male prostitutes in the Russian army. They can be found in many places of Moscow during weekends. When on a leave warrant, the street boys wander about the capital looking for clients and offering sex services to them. They can be basically found in the center of Moscow: on Tverskaya Street, on the square in front of the Pushkinsky Cinema and in the Alexandrov Garden near the Red Square. Sometimes they can be found on railway stations too. They try to guess the sexual orientation of a potential client and approach him asking for a cigarette or a little money. Sometimes they ask to use a cell phone to make one single call home. Just a little attention to such a soldier is enough to make him start seducing the client. The conversation mostly ends with a quick oral action in a toilet nearby.

"The street boys don't ask for much money. The majority of them come to Moscow from Russia's provinces. They are ready to do anything for a bowl of soup or a cigarette," a client (he asked to call him Igor) said. "When they return to the military unit, they share their earnings with bullies, who in their turn share with officers," the man said.

Unlike street boys, the secluded do not spend their time rambling about Moscow and looking for clients. They gather in certain places of which their potential clients know - for example the monument to heroes of Plevna, otherwise known as Pleshka.

Pleshka is the most notorious place in the Moscow homosexual environment. Gays can be spotted their all day long, although gay prostitutes and their pimps appear in the evening time. Some of them put on military uniform and pretend to be soldiers. Such a 'professional' asks for $300 USD, although a genuine military man on Pleshka charges only $20-30 USD dollars.

The so-called affiliated army prostitutes make the biggest earnings in comparison with the two of the above-mentioned groups. They 'serve' in their own military units waiting for clients in the barracks.

Finding an agent to establish a contact with army prostitutes is very easy. There are several websites on the Russian Internet that carry quite a list of adequate advertisements. However, going on a gay adventure in the military can be a risky endeavor. It is strongly recommended not to show money to soldiers before sex. "If they see the money they may kill you without giving it a second thought. Five hundred rubles ($20) is a whole fortune in the army," a man who wished to remain anonymous said.

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