Secrets of Sexual Body Language

The Rule of Four

Martin Lloyd-Elliott, author of 'Secrets of Sexual Body Language,' says you need to observe four separate sexual body language cues to be sure someone is interested in you. Keep your eyes on everything, including hair, face muscles, skin, eyes, mouth, legs and even toes for potential signals. You may see many of these cues when you're with friends, which is natural, but just because you've seen the right kind of smile doesn't mean that he or she is hoping to hook up.

Shoulder Shrugs

Men and women unconsciously shrug or "flash" their shoulders when they find another person attractive. Women use the shoulders as a tease: "It can be subtle or obvious and can include the hand touching or moving over the skin of the shoulder.*" Men, on the other hand, will often use their shoulders to set territory and block other potential suitors.

Eyebrow Flash

When we see someone we're attracted to, we respond automatically with an eyebrow flash that lasts about a fifth of a second. Yet eyebrows come into play for more than attraction. A flash may be created just to start a friendly exchange. Combine an eyebrow flash with a roll of the eyes and it's a show of exasperation -- so be mindful of context. A natural, friendly flash comes and goes quickly.

Study the Pupils

Why is the woman on the right sexier than the one on the left? Because dilated pupils are a sure sign of interest and make a person more attractive. One of the reasons candlelit dinners set a romantic mood is they force pupils to open and help each person appear more attractive. But don't fool yourself that the person across the table from you in a dimly-lit room is attracted to you. That might just be some pupils opening automatically.

Faking It

You may think he's into you, but how do you know? When he smiles you can check the asymmetry of his mouth, which is often a tip-off for a forced grin. In this example, his intense eyes and clenched jaw suggest a tension that doesn't match an upbeat mood. A natural smile is usually broad and symmetrical.

A Little Attitude

Does male posturing work? Sometimes. "Such postures indicate dominance, and for many women, despite what modern feminists would prefer us to believe, it is still instinctively sexy and arousing to be in the company of a strong, confident and dominating man," says psychologist Lloyd-Elliott.

Scouting Territory

Women tend to be less territorial than men, who can regard every potential invasion of their territory, however friendly, as a threat. If you want to be invited into someone's space, lower or raise your eye level to meet his or hers. In this setting, the man is lower than the woman he's approaching, reducing the threat.

Mirroring Bodies

To increase their synchronicity, he adopts exactly the same body posture as her. His right shoulder angles his torso around to face her. He tilts his head slightly to one side to indicate that he's carefully listening. Although her torso still faces the pool, she smiles at him over her shoulder, which is extremely flirtatious.

Getting Intimate

Entering someone's personal space can be tricky. Lowering someone's barriers may be as simple as handing someone who has crossed arms a drink or offering someone the physical comfort or the reassurance of an arm or shoulder to cry on. But don't take for granted your invitation will be accepted.

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sexyleggs said...

Some of this is true!

Joe said...

To really study body language and speech I recommend NLP. Lawyers and Politicians use NLP to sway crowds and jury's. Very interesting.

Lennart Hansen said...

I agree, though I'm no expert, this seems very basic compared to what I've read about NPL.

But good for beginners to give en idea of how powerful it is to read body language.

Francis said...

All of it is true but it only applies to certain individuals...

Karnautrahl said...

NLP is a pretty limited model as most authors I've read appear to have missed out on context for a start. About 1/3rd of NLP is still useful when used with sensitivity and flexibility. Essentials-Skills training is more natural, updated and flows far better. The models used work in more contexts and take into account the complete context of the individual from moment to moment. There is not an a to z of body language, only generalisations that have to be very carefully and flexibly used. Calibrate to each individual and each setting to make sense of their changing signals.

Jeff said...

What's with the gratuitous dig at feminism?

Steve said...

The digs at feminism probably comes from the fact most people who believe they are feminists are either lying to themselves or are ver hypocrytical about it.

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Pick Up Artist said...

Great article. You should be thanked for ignoring all the haters. I also study sexual body language as a pick up artist and it is key to having real success with women.

George said...

love your blog.

Pick Up Artist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pick Up Artist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PUA Bill said...

This is totally true... body mirroring if done slightly and correctly can be rather amazing.

Reading their body language is even more important.

Melisa Marzett said...

I have also heard that mirroring of the opponent's body can cause positive feeling! has some more amazing secrets of body!