Masuo Kamiyama
Shukan Jitsuwa "Eiki-mae ryugaku" (study abroad in front of the train station) is the slogan of a certain chain of English conversation schools, the implication being that one can "go overseas" and master a foreign language without ever leaving Japan's shores.
Fuhgeddaboudit, says Shukan Jitsuwa, affecting the Brooklyn dialect. Using conventional learning methods, there are some things you're simply not going to acquire by staying home.
One of these is knowing how to ask a sexy blonde to give you a blow job. Or about her favorite position in bed.
But now, thanks to "English by the DTM method," you can acquire these and other useful "Ero English" phrases for use in the unlikely eventuality that you encounter a blonde while on the prowl.
DTM stands for Direct Translation Method. But it might as well mean Dirty Talk Method. Here's a few examples of what you can learn from the sexy supermodel instructions that appear on a pair of DVDs that went on sale in September.
"Okay, students, now repeat after me:
- "What is your favorite position?" -- "I'm going to take you to heaven."-- "That's [sic] feels good. I'm cumming!"
Two discs -- named "Nancy" (beginner) and Rachel (intermediate) -- sell for 12,000 and 14,000 yen, or 19,800 yen for the set of two.
In a nutshell, the DTM learning method involves a learn-as-you-go approach to comprehension. Developed by a university professor (unnamed here), the method has begun to attract growing numbers of language learners.
As one example, when Japanese are taught the phrase "I love you," it is translated to them in natural Japanese syntax with the verb at the end, i.e., "Watashi wa anata wo aishiteimasu." But DTM translates the phrase using the English pattern of subject-verb-object: "Watashi ga, aishiteru no wa, anata desu" (literally, "As for me, the [thing that] I am loving, is you"). While appearing somewhat disjointed, this succeeds in conveying the way English is expressed more accurately than traditional methods.
What about the more risque contents, you ask?
"From the results of a survey we conducted, most of the buyers have been men between the ages of 30 to 60," a PR spokesperson for DTM tells Shukan Jitsuwa. "These customers have also indicated their preference for materials that are more adult oriented (i.e., with sexual contents). So we decided to produce the two DVDs."
After rehearsing their lines from the discs, presumably these thirtyish to fiftyish Japanese will head for one of Tokyo's so-called "gaikokujin pubs," where blonde-haired, blue-eyed ladies hang out, and after a self introduction and a few preliminaries, deliver their pitch.
And who knows? If their delivery is polished enough, some might even go for it.
"Japanese men of all generations are easy prey for blondes," says Tomoyuki Abe, a director and performer in his own adult videos. "The main factor that keeps Japanese men from making it with them is the language barrier. If they can learn how to deliver their lines right, it might just work."
Both the beginner and intermediate DVDs feature five scenarios. First the actors mouth their lines with no supplementary information, to develop their aural comprehension skills. The dialogs are repeated. Then the scenes are shown once again with English subtitles. Then finally, the English appears with a Japanese translation.
Among other things, Shukan Jitsuwa points out, the DVDs wean Japanese away from their own English word borrowings by putting terms such as "breasts" or "tits" (not "basuto"), or "butt" and "ass" (not "hippu") into their properly idiomatic perspectives. Some terms might add to the confusion, however. "Rodo" is introduced not as a paved surface, but as "semen" (load).
Those interested in acquiring such er, learning materials should seek out the DVDs titled "Kore nara Dakizu ni Eikaiwa. Amerkajin Onechan wo Eigo de Kudoite H Suru?" (With this, you won't tire of conversational English. Can you get laid by amorously approaching an American gal in English?")
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