BROOKE LE POER TRENCH
Turn your afterglow into a fiery inferno.
Prolong the pleasure of a steamy romp with these postcoital pleasers.
It's a head-scratcher. Having sex puts men to sleep but wakes women up. So while you're craving a little postcoital closeness with your man, he's zoned out in front of Saturday Night Live reruns or catching some zzz's. Why? Unfortunately, the cocktail of sex hormones released after both women and men climax can have the opposite effect on our postsex wish list. "Studies show that following intercourse, the male brain often goes into a rest state -- he feels drained and tired -- while the woman's brain is stimulated and intensely desires bonding," explains Michael Gurian, therapist and author of What Could He Be Thinking: How a Man's Mind Really Works.
Fear not, though. We've overcome those biological obstacles and identified afterplay pleasers that will satisfy you both. Some are designed to short-circuit his snooze reflex and electrify his bod; others indulge his just-shagged daze while feeding your need for intimacy. Read on to discover the randy moves that will create the most pleasurable and satisfying after-sex moments you've had with your man yet.
Pay Him a Carnal Compliment
Guys are suckers for hearing about their sizzling sex skills. When you mention the mattress moves that drove you wild, it strokes his ego and makes him feel virile. "Men can feel anxious about their performance, so they really want to hear it from you that you had a good time in bed," says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship. Your flattering feedback will keep him from dozing -- he's definitely gonna stay awake for this performance assessment -- and kick-start light conversation, which you may be in the mood for right about now.
So recall the evening's erotic events in detail, but don't go too over the top with your carnal confessions. "Whenever a girl raves about the sex but doesn't give specifics, I feel like she's blowing smoke up my ass," admits Ewan,* 27. To start, you can describe your favorite body lock: "That position where I got on top and we both straightened our legs -- wow!" Or opt for a little technique approval: "I really liked the way you kept so still while I was climaxing."
Your dirty talk will stay with him long after your thong has been retrieved from the ceiling fan. "It leaves a sexy impression," assures Josh, 25. Plus, there's a long-term benefit to this booty wrap-up: It imprints your "Yes, please!" moments in his memory for next time.
Give Him a Massage
Just because the sex is over doesn't mean it's hands-off. Massage is a great way to maintain that physical connection for you, while prolonging his bliss buzz. Obviously, foreplay hot spots -- such as his privates -- will be a tender no-go zone. "There's nothing worse than a girl who keeps handling your goods after sex," complains Matt, 27. "It's never a good idea." So, you need to unlock the erogenous zones that will keep your guy in a state of ongoing pleasure, not pain.
For a more relaxing and sensual session, position yourself so that you're lying on your side, facing him. "Trace light circles on his torso. Starting at the chest, move around the navel, skim the pelvic bone and continue back up," says Steve Capellini, massage therapist and author of Massage For Dummies. "Or stroke your fingertips from his collarbone down over his chest to his hip bones and back again." These moves allow you to tickle his fancy while still maintaining an intimate postpassion gaze.
If you want him to reciprocate, tempt him into action with a more invigorating touch. Capellini suggests a technique called percussion. Have your guy lie on his stomach and straddle him. "Bounce the sides of your hands or push and tap your fingertips along his back and buttocks," says Capellini. While you enjoy the tactile thrill of having your legs wrapped around him, your touch encourages increased blood flow, which makes him feel energized rather than drained -- and may even inspire him to return the favor.
Take a Shower
When Cosmo asked guys about the most sexalicious thing women could do after getting busy, this was their number-one plea: Suggest a shower for two. It's a no-brainer. Any situation that has you hot, wet, nude and invading his personal space is bound to overpower his postcoital crash response. "I love being pulled into the shower by my girlfriend after sex. Her wet body rubbing against me -- it's all good," says Andy, 28.
Start by taking turns slowly scrubbing each other's back, shoulders and neck. Then press up against your lover for some sexy snuggling under the shower stream, running your slippery, sudsy hands over his back and butt. The heat-soaked environment not only keeps your bods superclose, but it also actually prolongs the postorgasmic flush of your just-finished booty session. Here's how: "As the hot water hits your skin, it stimulates blood flow and circulation, which keeps your body feeling aroused," says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sexologist in San Francisco.
If all this postcoital closeness inspires something frisky to unfold between you and him, go there. But ultimately, being so together after being so intimate is often enough of a rush.
Touch Yourself
If the first romp has left you yearning for a repeat performance -- but he's totally wiped out -- turn your attention downstairs for some self-stimulation and leave the invitation open for him to take over. "Guys need time to recover before they can go again, and this is only made more difficult if they feel pressured," says Kuriansky. "So let him know you had an amazing time and you just want him to be there while you make the most of how aroused you feel."
Whether he joins in or not, guys love to watch, so it's a win-win situation. "A woman touching herself next to me in bed? That's about as good as life gets," says Christian, 25. Even if your ménage-à-moi doesn't tempt him out of retirement, you finish on a high note, and he gets a private peep show.
Snuggle Up
The ultimate compromise between his and her postcoital cravings is the snuggle up. Being held after sex feels so good for you, while he gets to kick back and indulge his snooze reflex. And the good news is, it's somewhat of a mattress myth that men are turned off by a little after-sex cuddling. "There is an assumption that men are more emotionally detached from intercourse than women are. But a lot of them do want to feel that closeness too," explains Carolynn Hillman, a sex therapist in New York City. Craig, 23, agrees. "I wouldn't announce it to my guy friends, but lying in bed together and holding my girlfriend after sex is a big part of the buzz."
Of course, if your man isn't a throw-his-arms-around-you kind of guy, saying "hold me" sounds kind of lame. Instead, let him settle into a comfortable snoozing position and then wrap his arm around you or spoon him and enjoy that just-shagged feeling.
Fun Fact: Crash or Dash? A guy is less likely to sleep over after a one-night stand because the hormone oxytocin, which makes him all lovey-dovey and contributes to his sedation, dissipates more quickly than when he's with a bona fide girlfriend.
Source: Michael Gurian, therapist and author of What Could He Be Thinking: How a Man's Mind Really Works.
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